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New beginning. Personal Journal

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14 May 2013 21:34 #16654 by Radi
Radi created the topic: New beginning. Personal Journal
Warning: This is just my random thoughts laid out in order to keep myself motivated. They are messy and unorganized and

I have fallen of the wagon some time ago...And the feeling is depressing, it's consuming me, resulting in bad habits, more junk food, less exercise, stress, excessive weight, depression and self-pity. And the feeling of repulsion of my own vices is just making me feel guilty and tired.

Well, lets start it easy. I have to learn to love myself...and it will sure be difficult. I realized I have quite a lot of issues with myself. More on that tomorrow, now I have to let go of the guild of the binge I just had and finally put an end to the binge-guilt-starve-binge vicious cycle.

HW: 170lbs :X
CW: ....
GW: 110lbs

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15 May 2013 03:46 #16658 by Chavez
Chavez replied the topic: New beginning. Personal Journal
Hi Radi,

I can totally relate. I go from one extreme to the other (minimal calories or starvation to binge over and over). I honestly feel stuck but tbh, fasting does give me hope. I would love to do a 21 day fast, or at least 14 days but I have yet to fast more than 3 days at time (followed, of course, by a binge). But I am hopeful that in all my attempts at fasting, I will be able to make one of them stick. If I can just get past this mental block (the anxiety, the stress and the fear!) then I know I can do it. Just gotta keep trying. Tmrw is a new day, gonna try fasting and see how long I can go!

Thanks for sharing :)

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15 May 2013 08:39 #16662 by Radi
Radi replied the topic: New beginning. Personal Journal
Hi Chavez,

Yes, the body is not the enemy- the mind is. I have barely started today and my mind is already slipping some parts of negatives thoughts like "I won't manage again!" or "Why do I even start when I know what the result would be?!". I need some positive thoughts.

Day 1. Beginning
*Breathe*
*Relax
*Take it one day at a time*

Now I'm confronted with the dilemma of whether I should take vitamins throughout my fast or not. I would really like to go without them but I really don't want to end up with bad nails and hair- after my last fast they ended up being extremely weak.

HW: 170lbs :X
CW: ....
GW: 110lbs

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15 May 2013 10:03 #16664 by Radi
Radi replied the topic: New beginning. Personal Journal
I am not hungry...but my mind keeps conjuring images of greasy McDonald's nuggets. Urgh :sick:

HW: 170lbs :X
CW: ....
GW: 110lbs

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16 May 2013 02:01 - 16 May 2013 02:14 #16672 by ilovefasting
ilovefasting replied the topic: New beginning. Personal Journal
Radi, I can relate as well. Let's see if I can help or give some inspiration during this hard times, where your guilt is eating you.

In my own experience, I wish someone would of PUSH me, then guide me towards fasting in a manner that I would fast for few days (just like 3) then break it, then right away jump back in. What is happening here, is that my FEARS towards hurting my body, going to the extremes (like I have done before) are no longer there, because I am sure I am eating at least 2 days during the week.

Then I have the BONUS that the stomach is smaller, so the amount of food I eat is way less than what my binge/mind is capable of thinking. Then you have another bonus, the food you think you desire, when the time comes, it's not exactly what you desire (at least that happen since the second fast I did, the first one was a mess, I did eat all I desired.

So stomach smaller, Less addictive to the foods you think you desire. LESS fear of heading into an extreme, or just having fear of not knowing how to break the fast after a LONG TIME, where you tend to binge more, I am currently trying to do a 3 or 4 days fast during the week...

My guess, and I am still in the baby-steps, the comitment this time around is to keep fasting over and over few days at a time. So if you add up the days you fast "during the month" they will surpass your binges. Plus each time you eat again, over and over, you are focusing on what exactly you are doing wrong and hopefully in the next 3 days you will come out of the next little fast with more experience....

Now, the truth here, is that if you are in a HURRY to lose the weight fast (if weight is your case), then we tend to go into extremes and would like to do the 21 days of fasting and then if we don't have the experience or YET the control over our eating patron when getting back to eating, then we will spend those 21 days in fear... but if we try this time around to get to the root of the problem, once and for all, my guess is that we need more experience over and over again... trying to control the outcomes being less damaging... so having weekly goals it's easier to manage (of course this is today my opinion, given that I am new here as well)

when I break it early than my super goal of 21 days, I feel horrible, I worry MORE than the health the fast will do to me, because I fear to hurt my body (nails, hair, organs, how will I break the fast when times comes if I tend to binge etc)... so the fear is WAY LESS if you fast little days.

The freedom people talk about in the books doing fastings, is the addiction of the bondage with food, but if you keep doing it, I think we will break the habbit/mental/link... but my guess is that we need to jump in and out of fasting MORE often than a long fast.

I did a 75 juice fast a long time ago, and I didn't learn much, with little ones, you learn to see yourself... or like the doctor says, each monday is a new chance/clean sheet, where you start in zero, you keep fasting with the idea of having a social weekend off... so the BUILD UP energy of restriction of food, won't hunt you as you have written it in a notebook, you KNOW you will have it... but the fasting days will surpass the amount of food... or so I think...

this is my opinion, yet very early to give advice, but I felt so connected with your words, I feel so far it's been amazing for me, I still have regrets of how I break the fast, not that horrible do, each week seems more managable....

I hope I help someone with my own story... hope to hear from you again.

What I am doing, is taking vitamins during the days I eat, so I don't put any sugar in my system when I am fasting... yet I cover my fears of mal-nutrition. even do it seems, from what I read, that we don't need them. yet i am not there yet...
The following user(s) said Thank You: Radi

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17 May 2013 11:29 #16688 by Radi
Radi replied the topic: New beginning. Personal Journal
My exams finally finished yesterday! :woohoo: Now, I can really be more committed to fasting, because when I study, I get this insane chocolate cravings- it's ridiculous!

It's a usual cloudy, gray day in London. I woke up and put my new pedometer in practice- 10km around Greenwich- it's a fantastic feeling! Unfortunately, I can't really jog because my ankle is playing up again(last summer I twisted it and there are some periods when it still hurts from time to time, I guess I should really consult a doctor :S ). After sweating a bit Pellegrino feels like ambrosia in my mouth. The plan is to take an evening walk as well, I would really love to build up my stamina to start jogging a bit, but we'll see how my blood pressure will go- I do get dizzy while fasting...

HW: 170lbs :X
CW: ....
GW: 110lbs

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